We all have that - a nagging and continuous need to have our beliefs and actions marked by a stamp of approval by others. I have felt this pressure like most people and to say the least, it has made for some very uncomfortable beliefs and actions. Why do we need it? this want of assent, sanction and mandate from other than ourselves? is it deeply rooted in "wanting" to be "accepted" and being a part of a group, family, or tribe.
Peer pressure, customs and culture, traditions, the "right way" of doing things are familiar concepts. Most of what we do and how we behave is not to reflective of what we want, but is indicative of how we mould our ideas, beliefs. and actions to fit what is expected of us, and what we believe others want from us, or for us. So life becomes a long walk of getting our decisions and actions ratified by others. Is this healthy? I mean is this the right way to live? Where is the line that separates what we desire and want, and what our significant others want? and where do the two coincide if at all?
Fashion, Politics, Career Choices, what constitutes Suitable partners, Children (from how many to have to how to raise them) where To Live (and of course How to live, my personal favorite) - all have their basis in needing this consent and confirmation from the society that we are doing alright, that we "BELONG" and we do what's supposed to be done.
To me this is the most debilitating and restricting of impositions others put on us, intentionally or intentionally. We lose perespective and fall into a vortex of a self fulfilling prophecy where we do what we think is expected of us. In this society we are all victims of this phenomena, constantly trying to be correct. I am not advocating tarshing all ethical and moral principles of life rather a break from unnecessarily seeking approval, and a persistent need to fit in. It takes strength and courage to break free of this trap - to walk your talk so to say, do things after forming a belief based on knowledge and introspection, and not because others do it. It is hard. Let us just pick one example for instance - having children and raising them. Aren't we all a little guilty of wanting the ideal no of children ( which to me has always been 1, but then I am not everyone) to putting them in THE accepted IT schools to making sure (no matter how!!!!) they get A grades from kindergarten onwards.
I have done this (the gardes bit) and am not proud of it.
It is high time to ditch the approval brigade and do what we feel (in our hearts and mind) is the right thing to do. Hard but not impossible.
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