acceptance

I claim to understand a lot of things; I profess to decipher myriad mysteries abounding the world we know; I vouch to have solved riddles that defy solutions, but, I have not been able to grapple death. I fail completely and absolutely to understand death. A person who is - is no more? isn't that death as we experience it? we the survivors, who are left to question and ponder on the enigma of the ordeal. I have loved a person all my life; that person is an integral part of 'me', of the 'I' that I am; that person who makes me who I am for I understand this world through the people who are related to me in one way or another - this person ceases to be? how then do I exist? For if an important defining angle of my life is no more how do I go on?

Death is not only impossible to understand, it is hard to accept. The very fact that I don't understand it makes it difficult for me to grasp what it means to the person who is gone, and for me who is still here.

To me death then becomes a matter of 'here' and 'there'; death takes the form of a divide, a wall, a closed door. I am yearning to go beyond this wall, I am dying to open this closed door. I am wishing beyond all wishes to get a glimpse of what lies yonder, but I cannot. I must abide my time here and wait for the day that I too must die.

To accept 'continuous absence' of the very person who brought me in this world isn't something I am genetically geared to handle, hence I leave it to that eternal healer 'time' to make something inscrutable make sense to me.....