Can we ever return? where is that place we want to return to? does it exist now? are there any lanes leading down to days gone by, to hours spent, to conversations had, to dinners eaten together, to dreams dreamed, to hands held, to hugs and kisses... are there any windows, any crevices, any clinks, any crack through which we can reach out and see, hear and touch what was and is no more? what lived and lives no more? what spoke and has now fallen silent?
I want a return to such a fresh beginning. I want to start from the start. I want to begin once again. I am tired of disappointments, I am sick of failing, hopelessness is horrible, and darkness depressing. Hence, I want fresh air and new beginnings, sparkling mirrors, and glittering glasses, clinking of soft music and murmur of hushed familiar voices. I want to smell the known fragrances, I want to feel the warmth of familiar touches, I want to hear the comforting sounds. I want to go back to being a child.
Where life was a long afternoon which could stretch forever, playing in the heat oblivious of the humidity, the dust, the sweat, the piercing sun. What mattered was having a good time with some friend or alone and a 'made-up' imaginary world of student/teacher where of course I was the teacher, a strict one with all the power! or some family marooned on an island!
I dwelled in adventure, in fantasies of lands never reached, in thoughts of places never ventured for, in search of people never met. I wanted to be always in perilous condition! alone, in danger, and caste away.
Now I am living my dreams. In a way I am back to innocence, playing games of heart, of adventure, of danger - the only difference being that this time around the games are for real. But as long as I have my innocence, and as long as I have my dreams I can always go back to where I started from and be with whomever I want to be with, especially those who are not a part of this material world.
It is through this belief in imagination and spirit that I see my father, hear him talk to me, and feel him standing next to me though gone, he is far far away from me, leaving me all alone, by myself in this cruel world.
Comments
Post a Comment