aahhhh woman!

She defies definition. How in the world does one begin to explain a woman, any woman for that matter? Women are mysterious and that's not just poetic per se, it's a fact pure and simple. I am a woman, and, I claim publicly that I fail to understand myself on most occasions, translation every occasion and every instance. I am an enigma, if not to others, at least, to myself. A puzzle which I am at a complete loss to put together (I'm assuming for some reason I need putting together at some point or another!).

Most women I meet and talk to are trying to 'figure' themselves out as well, just like me I suppose, which is a much better place to be than never having the urge to know yourself and be complacent about it. Women at advanced ages begin to think (well.... some of them) and it does them a world of good for it opens doors to all kinds of possibilties and impossibilties, it shows images of places that may not exist and didn't someone once say 'where would we be if it were not be for all the things that never existed.' I, for one, want to be, for all that is not.

Women dream. Perhaps men dream too, the difference is women tend to believe in their dreams and expect them to come true. And, it is in this expectation lies the essence of womanhood. We are women only because we 'expect' and expect beyond expectations, beyond reality, beyond reason, beyond logic and beyond bounds. We expect to be loved profusely and immensely, without limitations and boundaries, we expect to be taken care of, handled with care, dealt with caution, held tenderly and talked to softly, we expect to be understood even though we may not understand ourselves, we want to be listened to attentively without any distraction, we expect to be treated with utmost courtesy and kindness, politeness and gentleness, we hope for bravery and valor from others, we look for truth and justice, we yearn for equality and recognition in society, we want to be more than who we have been in history, we want to be validated and seen and accepted for who we are.


Do I then contradict my earlier claim? and refute the allegation that women cannot be understood? No, I firmly hold my ground. Despite the insights at particular moments that come and go without much ado, I remain outside the inner circle of knowing. Not knowing what I am and what I feel and want and desire at the end of it is I believe being a woman.

enigma par excellence....