I could be doing anything....having fun, laughing, eating, trying to go sleep, looking out the window and taking in the greenery....and suddenly a high wave of pure sadness would take me under it and I'd be drowned and overcome by the gushing and the power of grief. I feel my lungs gasping for air, I try to shrug the weight of hurt but it keeps me firm under it and I have no other option but to go deep down and inhale the sheer pain of separation.
How do you learn to deal with death? for I have not yet learnt that lesson yet. The simple fact is that we humans don't or rather can't define what is 'mourning' how long it takes or how or when we can firmly decide that now that period is at an end and now we can go on with our lives. Cultures and societies over time immemorial have tried to dealt with death in different ways always as though they were in awe of it, and almost scared of it, putting it up on a pedestal lest they upset its sentiments and incite its wrath for death is the 'great unknown', we may know a lot but we know nothing about what lies at the other side.
Then its the sheer impossibility of people you love, their presence, their tangibility and then mere void - for when they die - there is left nothing but a gap, an empty space that hence inhabited them. We look out into nothingness and what can we do?
I still haven't figured the answer out.
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