Going out with friends after the longest time wasn't bad at all. Yet, at the end of the evening I was itching to be back home in my room on my bed, with my baby asleep, and a book in my hand. Wherever I venture these days, I am wishing myself back at the pavilion within the hour and not a second more or less. Am I a misanthrope now? have I suddenly found the entire human race to be so listless and uninteresting that I have started to prefer my own company to that of any other. Perhaps; I feel when I am around people that I have run out of things to say, that my mind has come to a halt, my tongue is tied, and besides the few initial pleasantries I have not much to offer in terms of a conversation and in such a situation its all the more reasonable to seek your own company rather than bore others.
But, whatever, I have to say about going out, at the end of the day it does help take your mind off things in general and you are forced out of your delirium. These days everything is getting on my nerves, I seem to feel overwhelmed by my life, by my house, by the whole routine. I am finding it increasingly meaningless to keep such a big house for the two of us, it just doesn't make sense, economic or otherwise, for we end up using a couple of rooms whereas I have to run around like a headless chicken trying to keep up the place shipshape. I think a move is in order, a nice cosy apartment in a safe place is the answer to my issue here, for it would be lot easier for me to maintain and manage.
Couldn't have Musti's party today because of the dreaded halat in the city which seems to be spiralling downwards this past week. The whole city was like a ghost town all through the day - and this was totally unacceptable to Musti (which I understand) but the tantrum that was thrown caught me a little off guard for he isn't that melodramatic ever. Hmmm, or is he? anyway after a few threats and then a little cajoling and coaxing he was his own pleasant self and had a few friends over for the day which was a sort of consolation. Now the party is planned for Monday, and hopefully this time the city won't revolt on me!
I am asked whether I have a story to tell about my life? I think I do, but don't know how to tell it, how about that, and the day I figure that out I would be a different person.
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