Tonight, I have been asked to write about 'things' I have never discussed before in my writings. Now that's a challenge. For, I have written about most things that plague my mind and soul, yet there are regions where I'd rather not venture and writing has a way of dissecting feelings, emotions, and brings all the colors of a picture in vivid detail right in front of our very eyes. Do I want that? Am I ready to have an honest, critical dialogue with my most inner being? Do I have the strength or the courage to enter the shadowy labyrinth of my thoughts, and if I do, will I be spared by the Centaur, will I be able to slay him and emerge from the depths of darkness complete and intact?
I have fought with so many evils in the past that I am wary of taking up new battles. I am happy with how the dust has settled in now, how the internal seizures of my heart and mind come to a halt, why in the world would I want to awaken the dark monsters of my nether being?
Today, I got a clean bill of health from Musti's doctor, thank you GOD for it, I was so worried these past week. He still has to take his medicine for another 3 to 15 days and then IA he will be good as new. I also have a sinus problem and am getting crazy allergies these days - it seems I am allergic to almost everything around me including myself!
I went to the rather new super-market Hyper something in Dolmen mall today. Hmmm the first thing that strikes you about the edifice is its scale, the place is gargantuan! Not just the super-market, but the Mall itself, it is big. I have now come to the conclusion that I detest Malls, they are so la american, all plastic, all pretentious, overly decorated, utterly lighted, smelling profusely like a cheap woman. The shops are over done, they have an artificiality about them, a kind of commercial alienation, it is the world of the future, robotic, removed, far off, and somewhat inhuman.
Hyper Mart? what a name is that? sounds like a syndrome or some malady. It is hyper only in size, I felt completely lost there, as though you are in some large audience hall on the day of judgement waiting for your turn to be questioned. Isn't it funny, that when we see too much of even a good thing it becomes hard to like and accept? The vast quantities of food, of produce, of meat and poultry, of drinks and dry groceries, of electronic items and household stuff, all nauseated me. There is too much to see and way too much to process and I think our primordial brain is ill-equipped to do that and we feel overwhelmed and exhausted. For me, my corner store is still the place to go to, these Hi-Fi places scare me to death and you know what, have no personal touch.
The visit so tired me that after lunch I literally fell off into deep sleep and woke up after two hours. I think the Mall and my daily walk did it! Today was my rest and recovery day form my walk, so from tomorrow again I'll go to the park and try to log in about an hour and a half, although its been only a week that I have been walking, I am already feeling good about it, the psychological benefits are tremendous, the lone walk gives me space and time, my own being gets the space and the freedom from daily chores to just 'be' and not be thinking about doing this or that, or having this or that. I feel my mind empties out by the 3rd round, and I am particularly thinking of nothing, the constant clamour, the persistent volatile sound that is so much a part of modern living goes quite, and one can just hear oneself breathe.
Dinner was salad and soup, both delicious, courtesy Bina. I am having a super ball these days :) thanks to her penchant for cooking. Besides, that the most wonderful thing in the Mall was the new liberty bookshop, I would definitely go back there as they had titles I haven't seen at other branches.
Other than that, I have been reading Richard Dawkins, The Blind Watchmaker, and interesting that it is it is getting increasingly complicated and hard to understand, the biology is hard, but nonetheless I am keeping at it. I have been desperately trying to find this book by Joan Didion called The Year of magical Thinking, and for the life of me none of the book stores have it!
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