hyp·o·crite
noun
1.a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, especially a person whose actions belie stated beliefs.
2.a person who feigns some desirable or publicly approved attitude, especially one whose private life, opinions, or statements belie his or her public statements.


Am I a hypocrite? This question is haunting me for some time. Do I pretend to hold values, beliefs, principles of religious and moral nature which I actually in the heart of hearts do not possess? Do my actions belie my professed and un-professed beliefs? Is there a huge disconnect between my words and my actions? And if so - what good am I if any at all? Am I a play-actor and a fake? Do I propound high moral values only to shun them deep down and act diametrically opposite to them?

I think to a certain extent I am. Perhaps, no indeed! I am - to a great extent, for when I ponder and deliberate on some of the moral values I think I hold important; I find that my actions are not supporting those beliefs, not only that, my actions are refuting those very principles that I think I hold.

I feel very strongly that on the one hand I do have some moral principles, some basic beliefs in what generally is considered good, no, I do have these beliefs in things considered virtuous by everyone in general. But, on the other hand, my actions may not always synchronize with my beliefs of good and bad. I mean what I have been taught as good, I may be refuting that in my actions and doing something bad, but that does not mean that I will believe myself to be virtuous and good in my heart. I know I am doing something that is wrong, that is in conflict with what I hold important - some religious or moral principle.

This may give rise to conflict within me, this may make me feel regret and guilt over what I do, and this guilt might or might not create a fissure in my personality. If I am acting most of the time, if I am pretending and affecting as having some moral virtues which I know that in truth I do not have, what would happen to me? I mean how would I behave, think, and be as a person? Would I then be myself? or someone else? Would then there would be two of us in one body or just me playing two roles?

I don't know if its possible (and here I speak only for myself) to always act in consonance with your beliefs (which we hold not because we have thought about them, but because we were born into them and trained so.) I have many beliefs and values that I sincerely believe in but would not be comfortable mentioning in public because they are different or against what is publicly thought 'good.' I don't think it is even that important to live as the society tells us to live, and in not doing what society is telling me to do, but also not out-rightly condemning those supposed good traits or acts,that society at large holds true, I may not be acting or being a hypocrite, because, I am actually behaving as I actually believe and not what or how society have me believe.