I do not LOVE YOU.....

I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Pablo Neruda


Love has no reason. And reason does not understand Love. Love and hate are highly enmeshed emotions and at times I do not know whether I love another or hate him. Sounds perplexing? But then everything about Love is confusing, riddling, and twisted. When we come to feel deeply for someone we may never ever know, how love transforms our feelings for someone, we might never actually realize till its there and your own feelings are standing there outside of you, facing you like another face.

Life is loss. We lose so much during our sojourn here, from ourselves to other people close to our heart. We tend to change, to transform and transmutate form what we were to what we are. Death, going away, moving-on to different relationships, growing out of each other, beginning to hate a previously loved one, all are smithereens of what was and what is. A person may have been an important part of your life and then one fine day that person ceases to be - how does one comprehend with this state of reality? What happens when "a" person who is here with us, isn't here with us any longer? When death takes someone away where does that person go? From being to not being what? When a person decides that he no longer loves you, in however way he may define that Love, what happens to what he felt before and to what he was before? Where do these feelings that cease to be finally take off to and how should one begin to accept them?

I do not know how much I have loved, or love, or will love if ever, but one thing I do know is that love and hate and all that's in between is hard to decipher...perhaps only for me?