I have to admit to having sleepless nights for the fear of the inexplicable.
There is a place in everyone's life which is full of dread and despair, that uncomfortable feeling of something being altered forever, something giving in, some massive weight crashing down and squelching everything in its way. My place of fear is in my chest, an unknowable known, it is the anxiety, the worry, the fear of losing some significant part of my life, a loved one, something precious... it is an unknowing irritant, a kind of anguish, fretting over displeasing another, letting someone down, not being able to do what one's set out to do, being unable to keep one's words, or just plain inability to keep in touch.
Fear is a crucial part of my being, and in some odd way I have come to befriend it. It is always haunting me, shadowing me, a few steps behind. Even on good days, when I am able to out-walk it, leave it far off behind, it eventually catches up. If I leave it behind, it just turns up at the next corner in a totally different guise and for a while takes me by surprise. On days I am feeling particularly brave and happy, and I am confident, for once I have beaten my own undefined fears, suddenly they would be there, greeting me! hounding me!
Does someone else feel the same?
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