FEAR & TREMBLING




My eyes burn, my stomach turns in on itself, the breath runs heavy, chest weighed by a tonnage, head splitting....as I ponder on the world around, as I examine what has become reality for me. There is restlessness, a city poised on disaster, a unsettling and a pregnant calm and above all a sense of something terrible coming our way, as all the fastenings, all the clasps, all the seams of whatever is keeping us together is finally coming apart, bursting open, scattering everything around.

It seems like 'this' is all we do - talk relentlessly over "the situation" in the country and how everything is moving towards complete anarchy and mayhem. Fear - is what we all feel - fear for our lives, for the lives of our loved one, fear for coming face to face with the madness in the city in form of kidnappings, torture killings, extortion and plain terrorism. Fear for what's to come, fear of the thin layer of ice crackling beneath us at any time spilling us into a frozen, still death. The 'situation' hovering over us, slithering its vaporous hands around and under us, smothering all us in its tight claustrophobic grip.

Our children's childhoods are marked with the underlying dread of 'things going bad at any time in the city' schools being shut for unlimited time, snippets of ruthless killings being heard around them - how can we live healthfully? what does this dark bleak and disappointing background do to our mental and physical health. No wonder every other person is down with one ailment or another, people thronging the doctors with real and imagined illnesses, a depression descending on every one, leaving them drained and withdrawn.

I tremble to think what is yet to come.

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