What is wrong with our men? What is their bloody problem? Nearly every man I know, who is married, with children, on the wrong side of 40 is cheating on his wife with one bimbo or another. Is this an epidemic? Are Pakistani men warped? Is there a mental lacuna somewhere in their way of thinking? Is it a mid-life crises, but then it afflicts all ages. What is the reason for this rampant and almost brazen cheating on their wives which not only sears the heart and soul of the marriage, but hurts those whom they are supposed to love - how cruel is that!
I have been thinking (sigh) and I have come up with some reasons I feel are conducive for husbands to cheat and literally get away with it. So here I go:
Sexual repression - most men in Pakistan are not very adept at hooking women in their younger ages, they don't have girlfriends and the kind of sexual freedom or opportunity to get it out of their system. Mainly because, they just don't have the economic resources at their disposal to indulge in such activities, and our social climate is such that young men and women cannot find total freedom to be together, not to talk of looking down upon pre-marital sex. Once they are settled and financially sound, they are already married with a tow of kids and tons of marital responsibilities. But, the thing they have is "freedom" then and that's key.
Men here enjoy absolute freedom from all kinds of accountability. They are kings of their homes and the wife does not enjoy the authority to question their whereabouts, so what they do outside the homes becomes a whole different life with a set of different rules. They carry on a social life sans wife, especially, if the wife isn't not very assertive or say not very insistent and suspicious. This opens up a pandoras box. Most men who can afford it, maintain a lair, which is only there to take women there to sleep with them. They lie consistently to their wives, "have to go for a meeting," "going out of town," "oh, its a stag affair" so on and so forth. They take trips to different cities with their cheap girlfriends in tow and consider themselves absolutely arrived!
The thing is, there is a huge social acceptance for this kind of nonsense. Women, who are damaged themselves drool over such losers for they want some kind of a man in their lives to treat them nice and pamper them (questionable.) Why they choose someone eles' husband is beyond me, for he cannot give them much in terms of emotional support and time. But, having said that, I also see men abusing their wives over their girlfriends! so! Moreover, such men, who have girlfriends draped on their arms are very well liked and accepted, nay envied, so the social boycott is unheard of.
There is also a tacit social and cultural acceptance and tolerance for this kind of waywardness, it is explained with a smile - "men will be men" its all in their genes, as long as they don't hurt anyone its alright, 99% of men do it, oh just look the other way and the excuses go on and on and usually propounded by impotent and stifled women. How stupid are we?
Then you have the man who thinks he's Casonova, but gets so involved with some floozy after having dozens of affairs, that he ends up marrying her! Now, I always thought marriage is seen with some reservations amongst men, most of them lament about their wives, waxing lyrical on how they are caught in a loveless relationship ahhaaa for the sake of their children and parents (read LIE.) This is bizarre as it gets.
In the wake of all this, the most maligned, ignored, slighted, humiliated, shattered and bruised is the wife. She knows with a woman's instinct and at times through other people and several tell tale signs of what the husband is up to. But, what is she to do? Confrontation follows, which creates a crack and fault line between the two (not that such marriages were pillars of strength in the first place) and trust broken is never repaired. Women, in Pakistan, suffer silently on account of their husbands philandering, there's is a Catch-22 situation, if they publicly denounce their husband without solid proof and at times even with it, they put their reputation and the home at massive risk. Divorce is still looked down upon and in this male dominated society not an easy alternative for women, mainly on financial account. So, women suffer and wither away under the strain of deception, lies and and the uncertainty of what's to come, and the effort of competing with an unseen adversary takes its toll.
Very few woman are lucky (usually belonging to the upper class) who can separate and/or divorce and live with their heads held up high. For the majority the fate is constant vigilance, the 24/7 uncomfortable feeling of being made a fool of, of vacillation between asking your husband where he is headed or why he isn't home past midnight. I know how that feels. And constant effort to cajole and talk to yourself assuring your heart that he is just sitting with his male friends having a drink. If HELL is on earth in any form, this is one.
The worst of men are the ones who are cruel to their wives - horrible, mean creatures - but come women of dubious character they transform albeit unsuccessfully into polite bastards!
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