It's a fact. Most women in Pakistani urban areas belonging to middle and upper class, well-to-do, single and married, employed and unemployed are definitely depressed. They are unhappy with their situations whatever they may be, they seem to believe life has short-changed them, they feel 'empty', 'stressed-out', 'overwhelmed' and just basically down and out. My question is simple - why is it so?
Today, fresh into the 21st century, educated, moneyed, well-traveled, well-heeled and well-brought-up women are simply miserable. Most of them feel spent and used, without being rewarded enough by life, they feel cheated by life. Married women are unhappy with their husbands not giving them enough time and attention, or not having a fulfilling relationship with their husbands. This is a completely new phenomena, because women of my mother's generation were happy when their husbands merely acknowledged them and their needs and gave them importance, now the expectations of married women are tripled to the tee. They are not happy with their men condescending themselves to be with them - hell - not at all. Women, with husbands, want much more than the dedication of that husband to the marriage and the children - that is a given, the lowest denominator! They want a material and tangible and expensive rendition of that love and devotion. They want to see themselves pampered! and cajoled, and spoiled and careened and worshiped in kind. They want husbands whose love for them can be translated in material things - how much can the husband PROVIDE. The big house in the right area is essential, car or cars, kids with designer clothing and hell designer maids a must, uber expensive paintings lining the walls signed by the 'right' artists, a staff the size of a battalion, vacations at all the 'in' spots, dinners and lunches, and of course an entry into the 'high society.'
And that isn't enough. Married women want spiritual and meta-physical relationships with their husbands as well, and that gets a bit tricky in case of Pakistani hubbies! new age spiritual awareness which is taking the women of the world by storm is lost on our desi men. They can't be bothered by Oprah and Dr. Phil, and Eckhart tolle, they have no patience for the sentimentality of Paulo Cohelo and co. So our women, all full with new mantras as 'finding yourself', 'living your dreams,' 'finding your dreams', giving yourself 'me-time' finding and discovering 'feel-good' factors feel misunderstood and isolated. Their men are barbarians! they have no regard for 'their feelings and inner needs'! so the empty feeling, the hollowness the depression, and finally popping 'relaxants.'
Most married women are confused about their place in the marriage and are constantly trying to convince themselves and their partners of the relationship and its nature. The kids become a source of tension, their studies, their marriages, their habits, their tantrums is all one gets to hear and the lady in question - perpetually complaining. I cannot for the life of me remember my mother complaining about her lot and her life, never saw her sick for a day while growing up, never saw her failing her duties if you may as a mother and a wife and as a daughter. Now, all I her from married women is that they have a headache? they are tense and stressed and that is why have all kinds of weird physical symptoms, that they are under extreme duress - and the duress may consist of not having the cook for last 24 hrs or some silly matter like that.
Does this mean that women today are better off, but have less coping ability? Or simply that women are merely turning into 'bitches' excuse the language. Or that women in Pakistan have finally risen to ask for whats due to them?
In case of unmarried women, the same story again. Complain, moan and bitch. The single ones are forever waiting for the prince who is somehow not materializing, the ones with boy-friends are paranoid to the hilt and again complain of 'being taken forgranted' 'not treated right' and so on and so forth. They want marriage if the commitment is missing from the relationship, some want meaningful companionship without any hope of finding it in our warped society. Some are desperate and sleep around and hell is let loose then for they can't control their feelings.
The working women are harassed by men. They are forever hitting the glass-ceiling and being disregarded in favor of their male colleagues. Work places are full of macho men and sexual harassment. There is always something or the other troubling our women by and large. I am surrounded by women "undone" and "mistreated" usually by their mates and family and sometimes by circumstances. So? what is it with women and misfortune? are they bedfellows?
I am confounded by the lot of some women truly mishandled by fate, and more so by women given a fair share of goodness, but who have taken all that and crumple it up making themselves fall into an abyss of darkness and depression.
Come on ladies! it is time to get real! and shape up!
What's wrong with our women? Why are they so unhappy and miserable? What are they looking for? What wishes and dreams are they nursing in their hearts and why are they all getting so messed up?
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