1. You don't need to follow any rules, abide by any laws and bother your pretty self over non-issues like not following certain norms of cultivated societies. It starts with traffic signals, red doesn't necessarily mean stop! For if, you have a big pompous car or say an inconsequential motor-bike you can always run the light and be on time at wherever you are heading. Queues are another non essential things, people with clout, and with attitude can break them and the other pet way is to push the women up the line. So, you could be standing at a ticket counter for 20 minutes and here will come a Naqbi woman shoved forth by her husband who'd bump the line and get ahead of you! and! you! if you want to live, better, not say anything. Another good thing is, you don't have to be a woman to be in a 'ladies only' line. Believe me, at airport immigration lines I've seen so many men lining up and pretending to be suave. You. obviously don't have to pay your taxes, especially Income-Tax, for what does the government do for you anyway, and what can it do if you don't!
2. You can lead a blissful life on the, elixir of life, if you have the means to it and the cunning to use it your advantage, that is, 'Connections.' This translates into knowing people in the right quarters, read politicians and powerful bureaucrats, and if you have the money, read that you can buy the aforementioned politicians and the civil servants. For a 'well-connected' man or a woman, life is easy in this land of ours, because a phone call delivers all that and more that the petty people like us cannot hope to get by tremendous genuine effort.
3. You can exploit 'labor' to the maximum. For a fraction of cost of what it takes in any other country, you can hire all sorts of labor, skilled and unskilled. You can hire staff for your house paying peanuts and also have the comfort of taking out all your frustrations at them by screaming etc. You can set up businesses and production houses by employing skilled labor and pimping their talents by putting your stamp on their products, and give them a minuscule share of the profits.
You don't have to bother about moral issues while employing children, in the homes or in commercial concerns, for laws are made to be broken in Pakistan and the servants of the state will accommodate you for a price, in helping you break the laws.
4.You can be rest assured that 'plagiarism,' 'cheating in exams,' and flouting copy-right laws will not land you in any kind of trouble with the law enforcing agencies. You can quote any author and not acknowledge it, HELL, pass it as your own and no one will be concerned. You can copy ideas such as in films, dramas, concepts in media. You can also, copy fashion designs from across the border and present them as yours with aplomb and vigor! You can purchase 'pirated' movies and CDs for a mere 100 rupees and smuggle them abroad, and still feel quite holy a heart.
5. You need not have a Conscience. In Pakistan, the most superfluous commodity is having a soul and an inner voice. Please, try and ignore it as much as you can, for you can get by exceedingly well if you don't have one. You can kill, plunder, murder, cheat, take bribes, kidnap for ransom, abuse women physically and verbally, maneuver your educational record and still be counted as amongst the respectable and noble people.
6. It is one country where you can actually get a false birth certificate and become younger by a few years on record and all authentic, This can help you postpone your retirement age even though you look like Rip Van Winkle, it can also get you a few years edge on the 'marriage' market even though you look like a ghost from beyond and beneath!
7. You can use horrendous color hair-color and still be taken seriously. You can also put a ridiculous topee on your pate and still conduct meetings and seminars! You can be a politician in exile for the gravest offenses and get a hilarious looking implant on your egg-shaped head and still turn out crowds. You can be a bleached blond or a black raven courtesy, Kala Kola and Bigen, and still come on TV and give views on social problems.
8. You can come up with your own pronunciations in the English language and still be counted as educated. MENU can be called MEE NOO, Lasagne can be called LA ZAN AY ( not kidding)
9. You can know nothing, feel nothing, read nothing, be crass and callous, rude and obnoxious, highly profane and demeaning and yet become, no, certainly be chosen as the State minister of Information, for what our elders called 'NAFASAT' loosely translated as 'polish' class isn't a requirement for anything any more.
10. And the best of all, you can claim to have a bachelor's or a Maters' degree in any subject from Universities existing and non-existing and on the basis of which you can run in elections, hold parliamentary posts and other lucrative positions in the country. Hell, you can even become the president.
P.S you can always join the army if you have political ambitions for a shorter route to Halls of Fame and Shame!
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