Report day at mustafa's school isn't my idea of fun in this world, for I have to find my way through teachers who only have a laugh and a nod for him, saying musti will be musti! Hmmm, that means a fun-loving relaxed attitude to all things academic and a keen desire for everything non-academic. Now, I am only the mother, not a magician by any stretch of the imagination, so I cannot swing a wand and change his nature, the way he is. So here I am with a brilliant child who isn't that pushed about grades.

Well, he is now in grade 7 and its a long way from the little baby that I had so all is good and I am exceedingly happy. All I hope is that when I have the luxury of looking back at what is the present now, I should have the satisfaction of doing what I had ought to do as my duty and love asked of me by my child. I short, I want to look back at my life, as being lived in fulfillment of my first and foremost role which is of a mother to musti, if I am able to pass this litmus test and do some good by raising a happy and healthy child then I have lived a good life and achieved all I ever wanted.

The silence of the grave yard isn't peaceful for every soul, but to me it is serenity, I went to abba's grave today and was somehow left feeling empty and hollow inside. It isn't just that I miss him, it is that literal hole that I feel is in my bosom, that my body in real physical terms has been rent and cut up and a part of me close to my heart is taken away like a cut up piece of fruit. It is pain in my body, a physical pain that I feel and I automatically want to bend down, stoop, to lessen the thrusts on my chest and my navel, it is literally a sensation of being butchered alive and sliced, and you instinctively feel the need to protect yourself and somehow cannot take the anguish.

Had a very social evening, attending the Kumash launch which was lovely, then off to dinner, and yes before that an hour or so of girly-hangout at home.