An open letter to all MEN

My dear esteemed men of this planet,

I hope this letter finds you in the best of everything, health, wealth and wisdom, the last being only a formality because we all are very much aware of the fact that you as a special and distinct creature of God Almighty, have an abundance of it and need no more. This letter is only a humble attempt to understand your mighty and distinguished personae, the greatness of your being, and at the same time pose a few simple albeit naive questions on your impeccable mannerisms and habits, that are obviously too large and intricate for simpletons like us women to comprehend.

First and foremost, let me congratulate you on being created in god's own image, and of course being a primo in all creation. You enjoy this ascendancy not only over us lowly women who, by the way, were created out of your ribs (a second thought) for the sole purpose of entertaining you and doing your behest in all geological and celestial times.

Also, you have been bestowed a more sharper wit and deeper reason than any other creature. You are brave, courageous and valiant at every occasion where women and others beasts fail and show timidity or indecision of character. You are born to rule over all the other creations of God on this planet, and are therefore a born leader (even the failures amongst you.)

With this elated and high a podium you are to rule this earth as the vicegerent of God, so then explain to me the following, as I with my limited intellect am unable to discern so far:

Why do you freak out when you have a little fever? and God forbid if you are seriously taken ill, why do you lose all heart and where goes the legendary courage and valor? Why do you become such ninnys? and want pampering 24/7? Massive men become babies when they are taken ill, and behave worse than a spoiled child wanting undivided attention and constant cajoling?

Also please tell me - married men - why are you all so shit scared of your wives? The last time I checked you were supposed to be the master, the undisputed King of the household and therefore can do as your heart desires. So what is this primal fear of the WIFE? that innocent and servile person who is existing for your benefit so why this awe and this trembling at the mention of the wifey? phones get dropped off suddenly, friends are ignored, requests not fulfilled, chats done in hiding, skyping done on the sly.... excuse me for being stupid..... but why exactly is that?

Then also the mystery of old pick up lines? With your ingenious brain power and higher reasoning aren't you supposed to be more creative? why is it that every married man hitting on a woman is beset by the same set of familial problems such as: "don't have a relationship with the wife for X no of years", "just staying with her for the kid's sake", "yaar, she doesn't understand me, never did", " I love talking to you somehow I can be myself". Hmmmm, I'm positive that you are so intelligent, that the repetition of these mundane and floozy reasons have some mysterious and secret wisdom behind it would you care t explain.

And, lastly, do accept my condolences, for being the most powerful and strongest creature, you cut an extremely sorry figure and why that is, is beyond the pale of my reason - for I am only a dumb woman.