i want some love

a love that is real, that matters, that has depth, that doesn't require confirmation every second of the day, that is and doesn't alter.



Such a love is hard to find, if not impossible, for human beings love another for the sake of a chance of being loved back. And till we have that ulterior motive of being cherished by another, of being put on a pedestal by another, of wanting a love that is all about us, our needs and our wants, the love eludes us for I believe love is all about giving, isn't it? And it is this selfless giving that makes it so difficult to love truly for in loving another we want to see ourselves loved as in a mirror, and when we find the image a bit distorted and not to our liking there we feel unloved and used and taken for granted and what not.

Who have I loved in my life, truly and deeply and yes madly. I think besides my father and mustafa no one. It is heart rending and sad but that's the truth. For in loving them I have left myself behind, in loving them I do not matter and a constant itch, a constant pull to be loved back, for that love to be demonstrated, for it to be shown and made public hasn't taken a hold of me. Because, such a love needs no assurance of its existence, it is, no questions asked and despite all it stays as is, maybe growing stronger by the passage of time, but never waning.

Such is love and all the rest can be attraction, passion, lust and a desire to be desired but not love in the true sense of the word.

Today, has been a productive day, I got up around 10, for some reason I'd had my sleep by then and cooked aloo qeema, dal and sabzi for lunch and was done by 12. The food didn't turn out great and dal got burnt thanks to nisa, though it was still edible. Then a trip to the bazaar for laces and stuff, and back home. I did work out again today after a break of two days and felt real good.

Oh, the table cloth came out lovely! and the cushions are coming up fab as well, got some fabric for sheet sets lets see what i can do with them. I'll have to make them really funky and nice for them to look different from whats normally in the shops. Musti is again outside playing away with his friends. Well I guess I must let him be and have a good time!