I' m stuck

Its facing a dead end. Harassment pokes you at every side. You feel like you are being pecked at the bones by a cruel bird constantly and the torture is never ending. How much of good can you see in an hopeless situation? You kind of get tired of trying to self-analyze the events around you, and to keep on interpreting them from the religious point of views, such as all problems are tests, and somehow out of this sordid mess a phoenix will rise and make my world a better place to be.

I'm constrained in every which way, I need to make do with less and less every day and that is hard as hard can get. How are you to learn new tricks and ways of coping with life's uncertainties? And, how must you take charge of things around you? Am I a coward?

Maybe I am, NO, I certainly am. Because I am unable to do anything about myself in my life. I am stuck where I was a few years back and I seem not to be getting anywhere? How do I get out of this labyrinth. I think I'm going around in circles, starting and then restarting and then finding myself back at the same spot after arduous journeys and countless days.

How does one get unstuck? How do you move on and what does that mean in actual terms? Because I hear this all the time but it falls on deaf ears - mine - for I haven't the faintest idea what 'moving on' means? Is it picking up the pieces of your life and then going ahead? but all this is poetical language, words, idioms, way we buck up friends on whom some tragedy has befallen, but we, for ourselves, have no idea what they actually mean. We just say them as they seem the right thing and somehow are part of the right etiquette, but in harshness of blinding light and real events that seem to hail the end of the world these very same words seem so empty and vain.

I don't know how to pick up the pieces and go on, that is the reality and that is all I know.