should I? shouldn't I?

I'm forever in limbo. Never sure of what I want to do, forever doomed to vacillate on all decisions of consequence. Should I do this? or shouldn't I? whats going to be the result if I do take the plunge, will I be able to survive the impact of my own resolutions? Or I must play safe and not do anything? Just sit and wait and watch? HUH?? I am a Hamlet. To be or not to be is my slogan, eternally damned to keep switching, changing my mind, thinking and then rethinking a course of action! And this inability to decide should have proven to be a boon, I in being cautious should have made better decisions, hah! but therein lies the tragedy, the more one quivers, the more one thinks the more irrational one gets and eventually slips. The steps I have taken with conviction have proven the best for me, I have been content and satisfied with them. The ones fate handed to me are the ones that I have a problem with, because they take us to a place we all don't want to go - a coercion, a forcing, a gun-to-your-head situation where you must decide in response to others, to the world at large.

Hamlet had to act as entreated and ordered by the ghost of his father asking for revenge. He was humiliated by the betrayal and adulterous marriage of his mother so close to his father's death, he was supposed to safe-guard his inheritance. Yet he did not feel up to any of these momentous tasks assigned to him by fate. To be or not to be was his slogan and cry, and I understand that compltely.

The anguish of having the responsibility to take the right course in turbulent times. The pain of having to decide in the face of others depraved actions, that is the tragedy of life. How does one do that? I waver, shake, and tremble at the thought of it! I rant and rave, I run from pillar to post, yell for spiritual awakening, and curse the world.

I wonder and envy those who always know what to do, when to do it and how to do it, and the courage to act it all out! curse be on them!