What is a good friend? Is he the person who guards your interests, looks out for you, is there for you in times of need? Perhaps. But, this is a cliche' driven explanation of a friend and I feel leaves a lot out of what friendship means. Friendship is a situation it is the relation vis a vis between two individuals based on free-will, friendship by its very definition excludes coercion of any sort. The first and foremost premise of this 'situation' in which a person finds himself with another is that he wants to be in cordial relations with the other, he is not forced to do so, there is no other interest except to enjoy the others conversation, company and so on. Where there is a necessity to be in relation with another on account of work, family, or any other reason, we do not call that friendship per say.
That being settled, what are the qualities of a good friend? is it just being there to listen to your problems and provide a shoulder to cry on? This is a myopic and a 'utilitarian' approach to friendship which is reflective of our materialism. We do things only because they benefit us somehow and not because they feel good. In the world of tody, obsessed with 'gain/loss' we gauge relationships with the same meter.
Characteristics of a good friend follow from what constitutes friendship. Friendship is having absolute confidence in another person. Confidence of that person to accept you as you are, and not pass judgment. This does not mean that friends should be silent observers of our wrong actions, but good friends stay with us despite our bad ones. Is this moral laxity? Does this mean that friends become collaborators in crime? no, this isn't a freedom to do criminal acts as and when we desire with silent acquiescence of our friends, this means non-interference of friends in our decisions. We must chart our own course in life, we can take advice but that does not give the authority to friends to manipulate and influence one another. Lecture-mongering, sermonizing and trying to take charge of an another person's life is not friendship by any standard.
Friendship then demands huge amount of patience and tolerance. Patience to witness another person's life without trying to play with it, and tolerance to let him say and do what he want to do. It is basically letting the other person be or exist. Most of the time we as individuals try to control and influence the actions, motives, and habits of other people, that is basic human nature. But, the challenge with friends is that you let the other person blossom in his own unique manner. Good friendships over the years have witnessed this facet.
Friendship then becomes a validation of ones life. We want other people to see us live out our lives and validate our being by acknowledging our actions, achievements and life events. Friends are there to share the life that we live, by their very presence they make our existence worth while, because by nature man is selfish and wants witnesses to his life so as to assure himself that he matters in the largely unconcerned scheme of things.
Friends are safety valves. We can vent with them, tell them our feelings that may not be welcome with others, reveal our ambitions, our dreams, without the fear of being accused of one thing or another, we can let our walls come down a bit. A good friend always infuses you with positive energy, he is one you feel good to be with and not strained and drained. They give us purpose to go on being what we are as what we are is amongst friends worth the while of another person.
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Lubna, agreed 100%
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