and I don't know for how long. It just is... this empty feeling, this strange awareness of something not being complete, a nagging unfinished business, a concern about something being amiss, things not being in their place, an apprehension of forgetting something important, of lose ends not being tied. This is how I miss you abba. All the time and every time, at this present and alive time, will do so in the times frozen in the yet to unfold future. I will always and always miss you, miss your voice, and your presence and your being. I miss your warmth, I yearn for the safety net you had woven around me, I miss the shelter from all wickedness of the world that you provided for me at all times unconditionally.
I cry for you. And yet, I cannot find you, cannot see you anywhere. This missing is sheer helplessness, an inability to reach you. I think this is what is so depressing about death, this wall u come against every time you try to reach out for someone, this silence, this sheer indifference, this finality of no hope and no expectations. This persistent No from all avenues, the blankness, the nothingness, the void.
I just wish with all my being that I could have you back beside me, amongst us as always, because that meant so much. It meant that all was good, life would go on as before, it meant all relationships were intact, it meant that there was tons and tons of time to yet live and be, it meant that many happy events were to come and we all will be blissful together. You gave meaning to so many lives, our lives and what do we do without you now is so hard to comprehend. Every time I think of this, I see a blank wall in front of me.
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