When you lose a part of your family it shifts your world. The configuration of the space, the continum of time, the construction of reality, the definition of things all changes dramatically. From that point onwards, life and reality is never the same.
And that is just fine.
Who wants life to stay normal and the same when a part ceases to be ? Why should you even think of being 'normal' is my question. When what 'is' changes then your focus on what you see also changes. Some features of the scene before your eyes become muddled, sort of fuzzy, and others become sharper, more pronounced. You start to 'see' the remaining parts of your family in a different light, as though the wave length has transformed and things appear in newer forms like longer, deeper. In the wake of my father's death I have come to see my family thus, some people are in shadows almost lost in the background, while others have taken center-stage. They have become anchors, pillars, foundations. My sister is my pillar. The center of things around which all revolves. How does this magical shift take place, what is this mechanism that makes this happen is unknown to me, but as time is changing and moving in one direction or another, I have come to understand my sister very differently, her place in my scheme of things has moved miles, from the side it has come to front. She has become my family, my history, my past and my present, and hopefully my future. Our lives are intertwined, and intermeshed. What I do affect her and what she does affects me. Is this what family is? I don't know.
And that is just fine.
Who wants life to stay normal and the same when a part ceases to be ? Why should you even think of being 'normal' is my question. When what 'is' changes then your focus on what you see also changes. Some features of the scene before your eyes become muddled, sort of fuzzy, and others become sharper, more pronounced. You start to 'see' the remaining parts of your family in a different light, as though the wave length has transformed and things appear in newer forms like longer, deeper. In the wake of my father's death I have come to see my family thus, some people are in shadows almost lost in the background, while others have taken center-stage. They have become anchors, pillars, foundations. My sister is my pillar. The center of things around which all revolves. How does this magical shift take place, what is this mechanism that makes this happen is unknown to me, but as time is changing and moving in one direction or another, I have come to understand my sister very differently, her place in my scheme of things has moved miles, from the side it has come to front. She has become my family, my history, my past and my present, and hopefully my future. Our lives are intertwined, and intermeshed. What I do affect her and what she does affects me. Is this what family is? I don't know.
I wish I had a pillar to lean on too.
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