where have i been? where am i?

To get to the present we must travel through the past. I am where I am today because of where I was yesterday. Sounds a bit like a tongue twister, but its much more than that. Think about it we can really be who we are if had not had all the experiences and travails and laughs and situations and happenings that happened to us or with us in the past. So wouldn't it be smart to look at all those places we have er been to understand where we actually are standing or sitting or lying down today? does that make sense? does it even have to make sense to carry weight with us. I don't know the answer to all these questions and the more I think I know and the closer to some sort of enlightenment I feel I'm getting, instantly loose connection and start from where I started. Is past a permanent place in our being, our soul, our essence that we find ourselves in or at every once in a while, especially when we feel we have totally forgotten that we have ever been there. Isn't it funny? That we cannot escape who we have become because we cannot escape the web of memories that form us, that make us. And why is it a web why cant it be a cocoon, a safe haven which we return to understand and recharge ourselves because no matter how traumatic or painful our past is it has one thing, and that is; relevance. We can only see who we are and smell and taste our essence through the lens of all that has happened. We dream and wish for things once loved and had, and now forever lost and gone, we yearn for things which we imagine we want and desire and need because all through we thought we wished and desired for them. We see and hope for the future on the basis of what was before or rather wasn't.

Can we love the way we do had we not loved completely and fully felt love for someone other than ourselves some where in the past? Isn't the ability to love somehow finds wings in past relationships and loves and bonds. We can love more and deeper today, because we have known the feelings of sheer joy it evokes. We can again hope today even after the worst storm because we know that there is hope and life turns only if we turn and hope again. Can we feel the way today without feeling how we felt yesterday about everything in life. We desire this man's art and that man's scope because we have seen and felt the benefit of them somewhere in the bygone nuances of yesteryear. We move forward despite every pain and every tinge we feel, because we want to cross the bridge to bliss and we know deep inside us that it does exist.