I'm drowning....


Why does a drowning man cry out for help? The obvious answer would be to seek help; to save himself from the clutches of a watery death. We mortals share an uncanny fear of death by water..what would it be like to be suffocated from all sides with huge pressing pressure of water, how would it sound to us, the depths of the water, the muffled waves, the swoosh and whip of the water. If it is the sea that claims one how small and insignificant would one's person become in one's own inner eye? if it is the deep still waters of a lake or a pond the silence with the warped sound of still water would be deafening. But, how calamorous would it be in case of a spalshing, roaring and rumbunctious river that is flipping its way to the far off sea? In all instances sound would be warped and made obtuse and would change from how we know it to be. We would become weight-less after a while or would we? Perhaps we'd end up being like a dead weight and sink in like a stone.

I am no scientist. And I haven't yet studied the mechanics of death by drowning. I am merely fascinated by it in a bizarre way - as we are attracted to the fears that we cling to in a twisted manner. Drowning can be of course symbolic. But the symbol is for us to interpret. And we would interpret not how a reader writes but how we read it. We want to deny our moratlity - usually - for we are naturally (wonder why) uncomfortable with our own annhilition. We want to or possibly we do believe in an obviously naive fashion of going on forever. Forever being a term which most of us would be unable to define, for it defies definition. It just gives a safe feeling of being there, of being aware, of knowing for all possible times. For to imagine a time when One isn't is near impossible.

I'm drowning. Drowning in the reality around me. Now you would ask me what is this reality around me? A reasonable question. Reality at this point in time is all that 'appears' to be, all that I am 'experiencing', everything that is happening to me and around me or in relation to me. Drowning I am for the sounds and reverberations of people talking are slowly hushing and swooshing, and changing volumes and decibels and failing to make any sense. The words spoken to me come through the watery atmosphere expanded, enlarged, out of form, bloated and nauseating. the words or rather the sounds compress me, sicken me, strangle me and I feel the air being sucked out of me.

People, situations, events, changes, winds, love, war and peace drown me, they muffle me and push me down the depths of water. And I become scared of what awaits me at the bottom. And yet as I go down deeper and deeper an elation, a freedom, a silence hugs me and for a second I find myself easing a little bit......

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