I am here once again. At that visceral turn, that cleft, that severing of paths...where three eternal years ago I had to leave my father and head off direction less in wonder; lost forever. He, on the other hand, went his destined way, the final road which we all must take sooner or later. And, as time slowly churns away and chugs along, I am getting increasingly convinced of a road to redemption, to peace, to final restitution and vindication of all that is wrong in this life. He and I - hence forth inseparable - separated in death.
That last day of July - the final day, the day he died, and I; ceased to be the person I was to him, a daughter. A devoted, proud, impossible, loving, adoring, a little precocious daughter. From that dark day I have been trying to find my way in this world - of course - apparently, I know my way around, the streets, the house I live in, the familiar faces, the days and nights, yet.. much of the scenery had changed. What is it that has taken away my sense of direction? what is it when everything in your life, your past, present, future gets rolled and mixed up squished together like different coloured putty. I have no sense of what's what any more.
I feel alone. It's a loneliness beyond the loneliness of stars and the moon. The world is too much with me, and still amidst this lonesome loneliness, I find myself standing alone in a crowd searching desperately for that one person who would comfort and assure me.
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