I mean seriously!!! reasonably intelligent women (and of course I consider myself one) get fooled and taken on by the hustlers and the con men that are as transparent as crystal clear water. The most devious of players, the most rakish of flatterers, the very ignoble and the lowly who have no compunction in taking advantage of an innocent woman's honour and pride we women fall for, and believe that what they dole out of their black mouths is truth and nothing but the truth. And, the tragedy doesn't end there, once we have been bitten by such a serpent, once we have been ditched and left and abandoned by such a lecherous and a selfish specimen of humanity we are ready and willing to walk into his nest again, to be reused, abused and manipulated again and again. And, please try topping this one - if the man in question is kind enough not to want us back - we will find ourselves - yes!!!! in a population of almost 6 billion and growing - another duplicate of the same such loser man who is a complete misogynist, and who's main aim in life is to make women miserable, for that is how he can feel manly.
I am bewildered, actually flabbergasted, and at the same time quite frustrated and angry at myself and other like women for making such poor choices, but, the matter can't be just thrust aside for superficial reasons such as 'insecurity' or looking for a 'controlling' man be given to explain this phenomenal. I can't of course generalize about the whole world hence I'd keep my discussion focused to our society and to how I understand this situation.
Why do women, and here I am talking of educated, smart and independent women make poor choices in mates and then stay in those relationships, or most tragically choose failing relationships over and over again not learning from their mistakes. I once read somewhere, that life is a series of lessons that we are here to learn, and until we learn each and every one of them they keep coming back to us in one form or another, so if you are facing the same problem again and again you ought to look differently at it; perhaps, life is trying to teach you a lesson, perhaps you happen to be on the wrong path. So, if as a woman I am finding myself in a needy, treacherous, stressful and excessively demanding relationship that is bordering on abusive, that is taking its due toll on me, I have to try and look within myself and not at as much at my partner. Yes, it may sound shocking to some of us, it may come across as 'blaming the victim' kind of thing but we have to analyse the situation objectively and keep emotions aside. There are all sorts of people - men - in this society of ours, and generally speaking of course I will not put every one in the same slot, our men are raised with a silver spoon in their mouths. They are the privileged sex so to say, whether we would like to admit this in polite society or not is another matter, but the fact is we are prouder at the birth of our sons than our daughters - I rest my case. Men see women as second class citizens in the eyes of the law, at home and in the State well, no big surprise, they grow up with the tacit belief that they know better than their female counter-parts, they are stronger, and that they can and must and should and ought to 'control' the females in their lives, such as their sisters and girl-friends and then wife.
Our society reinforces these double standards to the hilt, and religion is highly warped and misquoted to the illiterate and the literate to mean what it doesn't mean about the place and status of women. Islam is system of belief that has elevated the position of women tremendously and it is sad to see how badly and wrongly it is being misused now to prove the opposite point.
My question comes back to the women themselves, we are quite aware of the 'macho man' amidst us, and yet we fall for him, why? why is it so essential for a woman to have the tag of man around her neck like an id card? are we still living in some pre-historic society where we need to locate and identify a woman through the man she is married to? This makes me nauseous, people who believe in this make me throw up, for what is a woman then on her own? a complete nothing? a non-entity? therefore she does not exist for the purpose of society? what rubbish? This train of thought is responsible for making women settle for losers and crazy loonys, for they feel at one time in their lives that its better to have 'a man' than have none! what trash is that!!!!
Then I think there is 'wishful' thinking that every girl growing up is fed on - the fairy tale - where this handsome prince will love her ever after no matter how difficult he is in the beginning (remember Beauty and the Beast? or how hard he is to get hell recall Sleeping Beauty try sleeping for a 100 years for your prince!) the thing is women 'believe' all too naively (they find out a little too late) that once they love someone he will love them back (hahahahah) and he will CHANGE!!!!! (HAHAHAHHAHAH) hello! girls wake up and smell the coffee or tea! no one really changes. No let me put it straight - NO MAN EVER CHANGES HIS SPOTS, WHAT YOU NOW SEE WILL BECOME EVEN STRONGER IN SAY 10 YEARS SO PLEASE!!!! we assume that we have the power and the magic of transforming men and their ways, na!! for neither are we Cleopatra nor the Queen of Sheba so be realistic and leave the bad boys alone.
I am not advocating that all heterosexual relationships are unhealthy, no not at all, what I am saying is, that some women make obviously wrong choices when it comes to men, and if it happens a few too many times my advice is leave it alone and be alone, for perhaps its better that way than go running after losers and making oneself miserable for no good reason. For one of the most overrated thing in the world is being with a man as if 'men are god's gift to women' hmmmm, they are so not and I can say that with confidence and experience! and for god's sake enjoy being on your own...
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