For days I fail to recognize myself. It is as simple as that, nothing complicated, nothing philosophical and analytical or deep about it. It is just that at times, for days on, I don't think that the person inhabiting my body is the 'I' that normally occupies it. It is an experience of de-personalization as best as I can understand it and if there is such a concept, I go on about life but as though an alien has taken over my body (now how would I know what that feels like anyway?) or as if my thoughts and my feelings weren't my own and I had no real connection with them, I react to the world and people and events around me in an impersonal manner observing from a vantage point and somehow remaining detached and aloof. I am disconnected from myself and that is how I feel within, dissected and cut up and disjointed.
Does this happen to other people? I mean do you ever feel so removed from your own self that it seems that your person is out of your body observing yourself from a distance as in a film? It is a bizarre feeling and the dreams that accompany it at night are no less terrifying, I can't ever, and mind you that is ever, make sense of my dreams the way people do, like a story, telling them in sequence for mine are ridiculously broken up and disjointed and they have people in them I have never met, and places I have never been to and situations I can't possibly comprehend.
What does all this mean then? I know Freud's theory about the unconscious revealing itself in the dreams and all that are hash now yet these weird experience must signify something if not the id and ego. Why do I feel a stranger to myself, like I am not Lubna, or whoever I am supposed to be and somehow haven't a clue who I am or supposed to be. Or for that matter what are these dreams that make up my nights and the labyrinths of my mind frequenting it with people I never seem to know!
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