Taking Control?

Surprisingly, sometimes the most obvious of things seem to escape our attention, we tend to focus in on non-issues. A friend made me realize this the other day - that now, for the first time in my life the pen of my life is in my own hands, up until now other people were writing different chapters of my life, but now I must take control, hold the pen steady between my fingers and start writing a new chapter ( a new phase) of my life which is purely defined by me and none other. My first reaction was 'its scary' and come to think of it, the prospect is quite frightening, for I am scared of making mistakes, of choosing my own path, of deciding which direction to take? It is easy to fall into a trap and let others take over and tell you what to do, but I am done with that, I think... I want to take a road that may not be well trodden but is of my liking - there are so many things to consider. Sometimes I think that money should be the focus of all my future decisions, that all that I do and choose to do must have one aim in view and that is to be self reliant financially as that would give me total security and mental freedom and of course happiness would follow. But a voice tells me that isn't necessarily true. For money can give you momentary pleasure not lasting happiness, sure you don't want for necessities but it doesn't make you content with what you have and what you are. Up until now I have measured success in terms of worldly possessions and economic abundance, now the measure has changed, the perspective has shifted and what was important before has receded. Not that all my material desires have died, no hardly that, but what has become highlighted are the needs of my being, of existence, of doing, of giving rather than of possessing and having. And this is what is going to help me choose what I do in my life from now on. I will try and do what I enjoy the most from now on...and I know that it would be the best choice of all.