Grief and Loss

For Rubina Mani, dedicated to the memory of a deeply loved one

Tears, words of consolation, long quotes and timely phone calls, and simply the right things to do at the right time fail me, for grief and loss of this magnitude completely freezes me, it numbs me as it numbs the people facing it. You go through the motions of living yet you don't live, it is in a kind of daze and a sense of alienation as though you aren't who you were and everything around you has changed forever.

To tell someone at that juncture we have all lost someone close at one time in our lives, or that we will all have to return to Allah one fine day, that life is transitory, that that person is in a better place (when we ourselves haven't the slightest idea of whether that place exists or not), that time heals everything, that life goes on..... all of this and more I tell you is sheer nonsense. It never makes anyone feel any good ever or consoles anyone. I don't know if you ever get over the loss of a significant other, you may over time develop to live with it simply because you haven no other choice, but to say that you go on with life is really an insult to that person's feelings and emotions.

All I'd like to say is that I know perhaps in the slightest of ways how bad you feel, how lost and alone you find yourself, how nothing really makes sense and everything seems so hard and overwhelming. I know that you don't find pleasure in living any more for those who were close to you are not there and death has no explanations - there are simply too many questions that still remain unanswered. I know you feel had you been there you would have done something or the other to stop this from happening, and the guilt that comes from being alive while the other is gone.

I won't lie to you in saying that all this would go away, all I'd like to say is that you will in time learn to live with it.