The heart of darkness is in all of us, a region devoid of light and brightness, an area of despair and gloom, a tract of misery and pain - and does the soul travel to these places? I believe it does, and when that happens it is unbearable. What is it that makes us feel despaired or uneasy or anxious? There could be a number of things, but for me I feel like the door to an underground cellar is opening, and I can dimly see the narrow staircase descending into darkness I feel the air being sucked out of my lungs, the atmosphere becomes stifling and I feel an urge to run away to some far off place where I can be safe from looking down into that dark and dismal abyss.
I get anxious and tense and my whole body goes stiff, it is as though I have a premonition of something disastrous that is about to unfold and burn me away in its stride, I feel exposed and naked to the thrashes of the elements - I feel vulnerable. I have come a long ways from being maligned and hurt and crushed, I have tried to pick up the pieces and move on, however slowly, but there are times I get the impression that instead of moving forward I am going back and that is where I lose the control that I normally have on my emotions - the last thing I'd ever want is a journey backwards into the solemn and lonely silence of the roads that I have just traversed.
The city is burning once again, as though it is mirroring my own anguish. We are an unhappy and desolate lot who have no past to be proud of and no future to look forward to.
Am I too much on my own these days? Do I sometimes isolate myself to an extent that my own person becomes oppressive to me? I haven't the faintest idea.
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