New schools, new offices, figures of authority, stern discipline, strange places, deadlines, time-frames, plans all make me nervous. Seriously, they do. I am trying to get Musti into another school and I went there today to fill out the registration forms, no biggie I suppose, but then it's me we are talking about - everything is a big deal. All new places give me anxiety attacks, new arenas, new faces, new rules UFFFF! how can I then even think of putting my kid through the ordeal of absolutely new surroundings, new and strange places, and even newer people? But, perhaps he doesn't share this panic that I have of new things.
The I phone is there, the I pad is lying right by my bed and the only reason I don't go near them is that I have this perpetual fear of strange and newer devices! I am increasingly feeling that I must be not 'normal' what ever that normal stands for, is it what the majority of people believe and behave as? maybe.
I get so upset if anyone gets angry with me, something has given way inside me, and as much as I could bear being screamed at and shouted at, I can't do even 1/100th of it now, I just want to run away. And especially if you get yelled at on the phone and called names it unnerves me to death...I wonder now how I could at one point in time have the courage to face this kind of abuse all of the time!! without exaggeration and I am sure I can find few people to verify this fact!
I went to have a look at the lawn prints this evening with Bina, ufff, why is everything so damn pricey and why is it that women have to fall over each other to get at the clothes? why can't we be a slightly more civilized nation!
Now I am going to curl up with a good book and call it a day.
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