In search of lost times

I have lived vividly - a separate life, a different life, a distinct and an unapproachable life - in my imagination, in my thoughts and in my dreams. That life, those days, those hours and those minutes have no relevance and meaning or resemblance to the life that I actually live, yet they have more of a presence than the reality that I constantly wake up to.

How can we understand what we are and what our lives have been, what meanderings in the dark and hidden recesses of the mind are needed to unleash the strings of understanding, what epiphanies are required to grasp the thread of those lost thoughts and feelings that have made us who we are into what we are at this present time. I want to relive my life - not in real - but in the eye of my mind so as to get the essence of those sinister and past moments, to get to experience the aura and the perfume of those days that have long gone and become the stuff of faded memories. What happened when I was a child? what kind of a childhood did I have? what went on when I was growing up? What thoughts, fears, apprehensions, dreams, wishes did I have? where all did my mind take me. How do we search for those lost times?

Is remembrance everything? And can we trust our memories totally? do I remember what must never be forgotten or have the demons of my imagination conjured up events and things that never happened? How do I sort the real from the imagined? how to take apart the truth from falsehood? and how do I know what I am remembering is really a glimpse of my own life and not a picture taken out of an another's?

I want to write story of my life, for I believe, that we all have a story hidden somewhere in the depths of our soul and some souls would never find rest and peace till their story is told over and over again. But, amidst the din of voices that create a pandemonium in my mind, amid the cacophony of drums and cymbals, bells and bugles what do I and what can I clearly hear? How do I search for those lost times and lost stories, how do I make my story complete and bring it to finish so I can breathe in peace.