LIFE - WOMAN - DOOR

YES! Let me be made fun of! let people think I'm totally over the top, lost my marbles and finally gone cuckoo - I have a life, I am a woman. Now all I need and want is my "personal DOOR" to a whole new reality! That's all I want - the minute things get worrisome on this side, all I have to do is to approach my door and open it and VOILÀ!! I am in a complete new world with new rules and everything is fine.


My oak door, large and heavy, with bolts and heavy hinges opens with a push and a thud, it creaks and dwarfs me, its huge, its lock big and gargantuan - but, when I am in disgrace and sad with this world, its situations, its people, its doings and happenings - when I am low and grieved, when I feel lost and alone, when I need them the most who have disappeared from my view, when this moment is hard to bear, when time freezes and just does not yield, that is when I go to my door and shove it open.


And Lo! and behold, I am in a world where there are no separations, when whom you love are there with you, where there is no grief, no sadness, no cringing of the heart at the thought of what's lost - nothing - for my world has a different reality. I am in a place which is cool but not cold, it is assuring with greenery and pleasant with odours of luxuriant growth and exotic flowers, it is aplomb with colorful growth that reach up to me and most of all it feels safe.


This world is peopled by people I love, and they are neither lost nor have forgotten or left me. Things are as they ought to be, as I want them to be. Those who are dead in this world are alive for me, with me and around me. Those who have ruthlessly abandoned me in this world, have totally misunderstood me in this realm, have discarded me like an old shoe, are there and aware of my true worthiness, they are not just there in person, but they are the person that they were when we first met and loved. Time and its vagaries, its cruelties, the havoc and catastrophes that it has bestowed on me all vanished like dew at the sight of the first sunlight.


My world is calm. It has no terrorists, no kidnappers, no dacoits and no car snatchers. I can walk at night outside my gate and be absolutely comfortable and safe. My son can be playing wherever and I can be at ease. There are no disasters and no threats, and in this knowledge we dwell in serenity. Here what I say is understood as I say and mean it. And I have no one telling me, accusing me, blaming me for saying atrocious things that I never intended in the first place! Behind my door people understand me, they get my need to be alone, they empathize with slightly crazy personality, they give me some leverage to make mistakes and yet be not lynched. Here no one tells me I am not deserving to be a mother for I am no good at the job. Here no one gets upset at me for trivial things and then sits and moans on what all I have done wrong! Here, in my arbour, there isn't anyone telling me that I have ruined their lives, that I have made them miserable, that I have failed and failed miserably at being a wife, a mother, a sister a daughter and a friend!


There isn't a man here who wants something more than friendship from me now that I am single, there isn't a man who only wants to sing my praises in the hope of some obtuse favors. There isn't a man who befriends me for ulterior motives and there isn't one who talks rubbish! hell! in my small world, in my wonderful reality, there aren't men who are out on a mission - I have simply done away with the breed and am blissful for it. There isn't a man who is Boring and self-possessed who goes on and on about himself especially when there aren't even two complete sentences that could be used to describe him, his life, and all that's in between!


This secret garden of mine accessed through my door is home to intelligent people who read books and learn something of it. There are women who don't snatch other women's husbands, who actually have something to say for themselves besides their name (big accomplishment for some women on this side of the door) and there are children who are lovable or any which way for all ways are good.


Through my door is a place where fantastic and delicious dishes are made and served at the flick of my hand, where there is no need for visas to any country and I can fly first class any day and any time to any place my little heart desires. This door opens to a bank which has horrendous (read crazy) amount of money in a bank account that coincides with my name and identity hence it is mine.


In this world I am wanting for nothing. I have all I want and yearn for on this side of reality.....................now, only if somehow I happen upon such a door!