Pause...

I'm beginning to realize more and more, I need pause, space, distance, time - between myself and other people, events, experiences - a vacuum of sorts if you will, a void of such magnitude where I must withdraw into myself to make sense of all and sundry. Is it a selfish action? My need for this solitude? I don't think so, its just the way I can process the world around me. Understanding what happens to me, what I say, how I say it, what other people answer or ask or say to me is huge for me, the sounds reverberates in my soul, even the books I read, I seem to continue reading in my mind with perfect sentences formed on an imaginary paper, the happenings of the past days hurtle through the space of my mind and slam against one after the other at high speed, the conversations, the events in chronological way keep recurring, I keep having the same talks with people over and again in my mind. I can get no respite. This is exhausting, unnerving, I find myself outside of myself looking in stupefaction at what has taken my mind hostage for in this time-frame I cannot think a straight and coherent thought.

My need for space, for distance, for void is perennial. I must not over-indulge with people in my life, I have to keep others at a safe distance after every encounter so as to make sense and digest that experience and then proceed to the next one. Too much happening, too much interaction, too much sound and fury all rattles me no end. It takes my thinking power away form me, it makes me a stranger to myself.

I must find solace in being by myself, in being with my clear thoughts, with my reading, with my writing or else I get scattered and it becomes an ordeal for me to literally gather myself together.