it seems like I'm falling through an endless tunnel, a dark tunnel, an abyss, a black hole. My center of gravity is completely shaken and a warbling of the walls surrounding me has distended the world. It is as though I am on the outside looking at myself and my world into a circus magic mirror - a total distortion of shapes and forms.
I couldn't sleep at night and was up at 4.38 to be precise, or rather my mind and thoughts were awake, while my body was in a limbo, a kind of lethargic indolence. I was on the edge, the precipice, the divide that bifurcates what is with what can be or might be, to what we take for reality and what could be the actual reality. The whole night was a struggle between consciousness and delirium. I was up and my eyes were open, but I couldn't comprehend the tangibleness of things around me. The bed, the comforter, the pillow, the walls and the ceiling of my room, the floor all seemed to melt away or rather lurch as in a shock wave, as though they were bulbous and boiling from within ready to burst open and splatter all over, to cease to exist, to implode!
I think my veering on this was a true reflection of my inner state. My emotions being reflected in the material objects around me, all liquefying and vaporizing and I being left with just bare thoughts, just that dot of consciousness, that is aware of being conscious! Is there a world of things beyond this crumbling world of mine? I don't know, am I an inhabitant of that place that in having me is still stark empty and hollow. Is there a room, a house, a life beyond and behind this life of mine that seems to be disappearing right in front of my eyes?
I felt acutely the presence of someone amidst the other rooms, as if I wasn't alone, and in turning I would come across a figure, a face, a person. i don't know whether that person is familiar to me or not, just a strong sense that beyond this reality there is another room, not mine, with someone in it. Can that be the real life and this existence, this living and these walls a matter of my imagination in that other fluid world? Has reality reversed?
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