eternity

I read it somewhere that those who seek eternity find solitude. How apt, and how tantalizingly true! for the search for infinity, for timelessness isn't the pursuit of the herd and cannot be taken up in a crowd. Yes, you have to find solitude, or it will find you - when you are seeking to cross the 'boundary of time,' the 'wall of time' that keeps us all on one side keeping the other hidden and elusive.

I want to find ETERNITY - the state where time is of no consequence, where all activities, from our thoughts to our movements occur outside time, they are not in time as all are actions and thinking is, in this reality. And I am, surely convinced that there does exist such a place. I don't know if it is a place in the sense of 'space' a particular location, or if it is a 'state' a way of being.

Why am I so obsessed with eternity? Is it a fear of death? Of annihilation, of ceasing to exist? Perhaps, but I think not, for when I die and cease to be, then the question of fear does not occur. It is something more, a quest maybe for something larger than mere physical being on this temporal plane for a specific period of time which is minuscule. So, then you would rightly say, it is a quest to find meaning to this existence? to give it some grand purpose? And that would be quite close, but not totally close. It is much, much more than that. It is a yearning, a longing, a deep seated desire to find something I have lost, to recover, to recreate, to redo. Does this even make sense? To me, it does, make perfect sense.

I believe and feel acutely that I existed before in some other form prior to this life and this state of being - is this then the belief in the Hindu circles of life? No, I feel very strongly that the being that is 'I' which is capable of a certain consciousness, which is conscious of the fact that it is conscious, and which is observing this I, this I is timeless, it is always. That in all times, in times beyond time, this I existed and was aware of its own self and the fact that it existed.

It is this timelessness I seek. Though in spatial time I haven't known that timeless existence, I have felt it, I have felt it when I see the beauty of a sunset, or the magnificence of a mountain, or the innocence of a child, or the grim reality of death, I see it all around me in suffering and misery for there must be a place, no, a time free of time where things are different, where all that is so important here and so matters here is insignificant. Where, we are but in a state of perfection, free from the anxiety of arriving at a certain place and a state sometime in the future! for future doesn't exist, and has no meaning.

I want to be free of stressful divisions of time into todays, yesterdays and tommorrows - I want to just be without the apprehension, the fear, the tension of some unwarranted and undesirable event unfolding before me, I want to be as is forever, and this 'forever' has no notion of 'time' as we understand it. What would it be like to exist in such a state of statelessness? What would it mean to just be, just remain conscious without the unease of that consciousness, without the perpetual fear of what might happen, without the tiresome ordeal of what might be!

I want solitude. I want timelessness. I want eternity........