the tears of blood roll down in the inner most recesses of your being. The pain of separation rends you apart and time flays you. The road to end is lovely, dark and deep, and its alone that we must traverse it. Whatever comes on the way we have to face it alone, there may be others for part of the way with whom some adventures are shared, but most of the journey is lonesome and by yourself.
My heart cries while my eyes are dry, I weep for myself, I weep for others, I weep for lost ones, I weep for what could have been and what is lost, I weep for the past. But, mostly I weep for the pain my father felt at the time of final goodbyes, the last night is imprinted on my mind, him between being awake and falling asleep, he seemed do frail, so tired, so sad, so lost, why could I not know then that would be the last time I'd see him alive, breathing, looking at me, understanding me. I cry for HIM, because I feel wherever he is he's alone, and without love. I want to reassure him that no matter how far he may seem to be, though my eyes cannot see his face, I am nonetheless there with him, loving him and keeping him safe from all pain and misery. This is what is hardest about death, the sheer inability to somehow reassure the person gone of your constant love, love that is there when the person is apparently gone, Abba, please don't fear anything and do not ever feel lonely and alone in the stretches of eternity for I am with you.
Cruel death has cheated me of my father, has taken away what was good and loving! and I hate you death for playing such a hand on me. I cannot conceive of a life that is without him, and yet I'm alive? how so? If I could get one more hour with him, one more day, one more year with my father, I'd give my life for it.
Is it for real that he is not where I may reach him? or is he within my grasp? is he happy? is he sad! is he worried? Oh god please keep him in peace? or are we so stupid to ascribe these worldly feelings to him, who has gone to another higher plane and maybe looking down at us thinking how silly our games are? I don't know, all I know is that my heart cries and it wants to tear out of me and somehow not feel this pain that's boring a knife in me.
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