WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?

The betrayal of trust; wounds, and, it wounds deep, stealthily, incisively, permanently. Normally we use big words in the course of talking without realizing their meaning, depth and actual significance to us as individuals. We all know what love is? don't we? and bu=y the same token we all know what trust is, what it means to trust someone and how important it is to have it in a healthy intimate relationship. Right? We make statements like this often, I love him, I trust my husband, I can't live without him. I love my friend, trust her with my life and so on. But, we are merely paying lip service to these emotions, we are grazing the surface and that's all. It is only when LOVE and TRUST are brought into question do we sit down and take stock of what they mean to us personally. I feel my idea of love is different from yours and the next person's, there isn't a right way or a wrong way to love there are only different ways. Trust is altogether a different feeling than love, they may complement each other, but trust is very different from love.


Love comes under debate when there is a doubt of it, when there is an uncertainty, when a person knows in his heart that something is amiss. Does this mean that when there is LOVE between two people they can viscerally feel it, they may vouch and promise and take oaths nonetheless their hearts and souls are bound to each other. But, when love begins to alter, the alteration is what evokes a thought process, it brings to mind what was the feeling that was there and is now absent, it forces us to examine ourselves and what LOVE or LOVING someone meant to us. We are put on a path to determine what feelings, actions, thoughts entailed love and loving, and why the same aren't there any more. And, since there isn't an easy clear cut answer we take the support of anger, and explain away our earlier feeling as felt under duress, under pressure. We try to convince ourselves that since we cannot feel LOVE now, we actually never felt it! How odious and repulsive is that! We are ready to haul a part of us, a part of our makeup, a part of our personal history to the rubbish bin, we want to negate our own self as it was in the past only to feel avenged, or comfortable with our own selves in the present. LOVE as nothing to do with all this change and alteration and head-shaking, and fist thumping. We love, I think, forever. There isn't any other way, feelings of love may be strong or weak from time to time and also depends on how they are reciprocated, but the bottom line is we love for always. So there isn't really a point in fighting with our own selves to deny what is essentially true. Our love may not evoke the love of another, it may fail to that extent, other person's feelings are never in our control and neither our own!


Trust is tricky. Who do you trust? Mentally healthy and socially well-adjusted people (BTW who and where are they?) are supposed to answer in the positive about most people they interact with and most importantly the ones they are intimate with. But, do we know what it is to trust someone? Well, I don't think so. Most women would say they trust their lovers and husbands, but do they really? or is not going to that dark corner of their mind a synonym for trust. Most people in my experience equate trust to ignorance. What they don't know won't hurt them kind of thing, and leave it at that. We will not sit and lay down rules as to what constitutes trust and veering away from them would mean breaking that trust. WHY? is it because most of us know that it will be broken? I don't know. All I know is BETRAYAL brings you face to face with this monstrosity of what it is to TRUST and how is it when that trust is shaken cruelly by another. Betrayal, is the most cruel thing a person can do to another especially one who is/was claimed to be loved. It erodes the essence of who you are, it eats you up like termite eating wood from within. It shakes you up, shakes you in a manner that you lose your standing, your standing in your own eyes and that of others, it is like a permanent killing of a person, a slow motion slaughter that goes on and on, it is like a squeal and a scream that rips and rends your heart and soul but only increases with time and the more you cover your ears the more abhorrent and unbearable it becomes!! It is akin to being flayed alive, slowly your skin being peeled off you while you are fully conscious, it is like watching someone taking a knife to you and cutting you piece by piece while you watch silently. IT IS BAD.


And love has nothing to do with it, betrayal of trust is an act of intense and extreme hatred just like rape. It tells more of the mental mien of the person cheating and deceiving. It is a planned act to hurt another and as far as I am concerned must be punished in the same manner.