at times, to do anything at all, especially write. I know what I want to write about or rather what i want to say but surprisingly I don't have the words to say it. What does that mean exactly? Not having the words? Literally I forget how to transcribe my thoughts, the stream of thoughts loses its connection to syntax, language, words??? This is when one feels completely at a loss. The inability to articulate is frightening. It is suffocating. I gasp for breath, I struggle, I stammer, I stumble on sounds, inaudible and incomprehensible. It is groping in the dark, it is looking anxiously for something to latch on to, to hold and to experience solidity in a fluid world. My mind is whirling, there are voices I hear, familiar and strange, there are people I know and people I don't, and all this while my mind is thinking, I am thinking and yet! all these voices and people inside of me have no way out.
Why does language and sound fail us when we need it the most? Where are my muses? Why am I not inspired to sing songs that please the heart and soul? Why is it the ugly thoughts stay hidden in the darkest corners of my soul. I forget how to put words in a sentence, why? and I hate this feeling of being mute, of wanting to say and scream and let it all out and all I can manage is a muffled sound. My insides are dead, my soul is sucked dry, am I possessed? Is there something or someone holding me hostage? is my mind not in my control? I simply don't know, all I know is that I have so many stories to tell, there is so much churning in my mind which just festers there my innards are rotting and there isn't a way out.
This is what is felt by people who cannot talk. We who can talk also say meaning less things most of the time, we hardly say what we actually feel, or what we want to say. We just make sounds that have no significance, its just getting done with the business of life, thats all. We hardly ever talk as we should, as our souls tell us to. Maybe, its because over millenia we have lost that connection to our souls, all we can hear of our hearts of our innermost corners is noise, static. We are so not in touch with ourselves, our own inside, our souls and that is why we have an issue articulating what its saying, or at least I have lost touch with my soul.
We are two opposing forces inhabiting one body, the I that we think we are, that we exhibit to the outside world and who we identify with, and then there is an inner hidden being, the real I the being or soul or whatever one may call it and these two I don't have a common ground. All our lives we try to elude the real I. We are programmed to ignore the real I inside of us.
We have no connection with our souls and our bodies, we'r aliens in these bodies. And that is why any signal any thought that our real I has cannot be understood or related to by our outer I. It may all make no sense, but it does tell me that I am a stranger to myself I fail to comprehend the inner workings of my mind, my thoughts and its nuances are inaccessible to me, I may have an inkling of their existence but they are always receding from me if I try to move towards them.
It is so hard to understand the language of your soul....
Why does language and sound fail us when we need it the most? Where are my muses? Why am I not inspired to sing songs that please the heart and soul? Why is it the ugly thoughts stay hidden in the darkest corners of my soul. I forget how to put words in a sentence, why? and I hate this feeling of being mute, of wanting to say and scream and let it all out and all I can manage is a muffled sound. My insides are dead, my soul is sucked dry, am I possessed? Is there something or someone holding me hostage? is my mind not in my control? I simply don't know, all I know is that I have so many stories to tell, there is so much churning in my mind which just festers there my innards are rotting and there isn't a way out.
This is what is felt by people who cannot talk. We who can talk also say meaning less things most of the time, we hardly say what we actually feel, or what we want to say. We just make sounds that have no significance, its just getting done with the business of life, thats all. We hardly ever talk as we should, as our souls tell us to. Maybe, its because over millenia we have lost that connection to our souls, all we can hear of our hearts of our innermost corners is noise, static. We are so not in touch with ourselves, our own inside, our souls and that is why we have an issue articulating what its saying, or at least I have lost touch with my soul.
We are two opposing forces inhabiting one body, the I that we think we are, that we exhibit to the outside world and who we identify with, and then there is an inner hidden being, the real I the being or soul or whatever one may call it and these two I don't have a common ground. All our lives we try to elude the real I. We are programmed to ignore the real I inside of us.
We have no connection with our souls and our bodies, we'r aliens in these bodies. And that is why any signal any thought that our real I has cannot be understood or related to by our outer I. It may all make no sense, but it does tell me that I am a stranger to myself I fail to comprehend the inner workings of my mind, my thoughts and its nuances are inaccessible to me, I may have an inkling of their existence but they are always receding from me if I try to move towards them.
It is so hard to understand the language of your soul....
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