double standards

I have double standards. We all have double standards, which means we believe in these maxims

1) What is wrong for others to do and believe is not wrong for us to do and believe (albeit in secret)

2) There is a huge gap between what we say, and what we do

3) Usually, the belief in liberal values that we all normally profess such as being against cruelty to animals, respect for life and property of others, respect and tolerance of other people's religious beliefs, and respect in their right to hold whatever opinion they may hold.

4) The whole insidious 'caste-system' that we are nursing, between ourselves and the domestic help we hire. We tend to have a total different belief system as to their humanity and needs as a person.


These are few instances of what double standards we all hold, though we may think of ourselves as educated, liberal and world-wise. What is the reason for such myopic thinking? and who pray tell me are we fooling? except for ourselves. It is most evident in our approach to men and women in our society and those around the world.

The man is seen as the 'owner of home and all what's in it' - his Chattel - the women of the family are always included. He decides the direction of their lives for them and they remain subservient to him. In the maternal home it is to the father and brother that a woman abides to, and in her own home it is to the husband and father-in-law. This scenario may very well be changing, but in-built beliefs that have been nursed over generations are difficult to shed off, and somehow their significance and presence seeps through and becomes manifest in actions and decisions one takes. Women ought to marry before a certain age or they are relegated to eternal dark and morbid spinsterhood. Men are usually studs if they court several ladies prior ro marriage, women on doing the same are termed derogatorily as sluts. We encourage our duaghters to find good husbands while admonishing our sons to concentrate on a future job. Some professions are relegated to women mainly such as nursing, teaching, cleaning etc. apparently the softer ones, while men go in for harder ones like military duty, rescue operations etc. There could very well be biological resaons for this and they ought to be taken into account. Mothering is an important aspect and stage in a woman's life and no matter how hard a man may try he cannot be a good replacement for a mother likewise a woman can't be a father ideally; these are both separate and complimentary roles which need to be carried on by both parents.

Is it hypocrisy to hold a notion, but say something quite different? Or treat others differently than our own person in that situation?

I don't particulary think so for we may be doing this sub-conciously. It doesn't mean it's right to behave so, but we are trained to think a certain way and till we don't get out of our own thinking grid we can't possibly have another way of looking at things. So to change our way of thinking we have to first understand we have a particular way of thinking and (god forbid) it isn't the only one or the best one.

Living in harmony requires a certain degree of hypocrisy. We cannot tell blatant truths to people around us for several reasons; we may need to look into the feelings of close ones, we may have to compliment at times when we really don't mean so as not to offend or hurt feelings of others. I don't call that hyprcrisy, this is necessary for good relations and effective interpersonal communication. We encourage our children by appreciating and praising their mediocre work so as not to demoralize them, we encourage our employees or should to boost their work, we sit and listen to elders and keep up a stance of understanding and agreeing with them no matter how unreasonable their demands, to make sure we comfort them. We compliment our spouses, our loved ones to make them feel good about themselves. All this is not hypocrisy or double standards this is essential in good realtionships, whats not to be desired is the treatment of another in altogether a different and lower manner than ourselves. We need to avoid the entanglement of ego when dealing with another and once that is done half the problem is solved.

When I talk of double standards I particulary mean the ones USA imposes on Muslims and Islam, for instance the implicit belief that all Muslims are terrorists or Islam is a religion which propogates bloodshed. I refer to the fundamentalist Islamic approach where every pther person not wearing a long wiry beard or a hijab is considered a sinner or KAFIR. I am talking of the view Hitler took of the Jewish community, and the Holocast, how can one indulge in genocide on the premise that the other community is not good enough to stay alive? I am talking of the treatment meted out tp Bengalis in east Pakistan, now to Balouhis and Hazaris and to the Shia community. It all starts when our wrong systems of how we "measure" us and others. Us always comes out right, while others always wrong! how interesting and prediticable. We need to be a little more original than this and from now on think for ourselves.