Pablo Neruda, the famous Chilean poet, says "Perhaps not to be is to be without you." On the eve of my father's birthday my heart tries to find him in the eager darkness enclosing around me, I look vainly for his eyes, I stumble, and try to recover the time in which he has sunk and disappeared.
'My being without you' is another form of not being, not existing, perhaps, it is just suspending in time, this endless cycle of nights and days, of evenings and mornings, of one hour to another...I am maybe just hanging in time, high above a deep chasm, and every time I look down my eyes get lost for it so deep, so cavernous, so unending that my life seems gone out of me while I merely look on.
Do I remember and miss my father? I don't know. I seriously don't know. All I know is that I am not because he isn't, and were he here and were he alive, I would be.
Fathers are our guiding light, shining through the thick fog of uncertainty, keeping us moving through the chaos of this universe, supplementing our courage with their own and taking away our fears.
ReplyDeleteThey are never really gone, as you carry a part of him within you wherever you go, and his memories are evergreen, archived in the deepest trenches of your mind, keeping watch over his daughter.
I am sure he is in heaven, smiling down on you, he is in the seat next to you, encouraging you to take the next step, he is there when you need comforting and when you sleep to ward evil away. May his soul rest in peace. Amen.