What I ask is the Ultimate betrayal? When is a person totally and completely deceived and maligned? What is the cruelest thing one can do to another. When you put your mind to it there are several instances in which one can truly betray and hurt another person. BUT, and this is with capital letters, there are certain things which a person can do to another and which is heart-rending for they do not fall into the purview of heinous crimes and hence aren't punishable by law, yet they tear the very essence of your being apart and bares your soul to the elements to be ripped and ranted!
It could be that what injustice one feels and goes through becomes the epitome of suffering because it is personal and close to heart and one can feel that more than pain felt by others. With all this in mind, I still stand by the fact that we are hurt most when we are hurt by someone close to us... Strangers doing vile acts may traumatize us, but lovers and loved ones deceiving and hurting us cuts us into pieces which may never be able to placed back together somewhat like Humpty Dumpty frozen eternally in his broken shattered form!
If your husband leaves you for a younger woman you feel ashamed. For what exactly isn't made clear immediately, perhaps it is because you aren't the age the other woman is? and somehow this is your intrinsic fault and you must be punished for it! Maybe, on finding out the fact of your husband being close to another woman, him sharing a bed with someone else, him being intimate with another, him lying to you about where he goes when you think he is in one place while he is at another with the blasted woman, him preferring some other person to you! For all these crazy reason which aren't your fault - but somehow seem to be your fault is burdensome. They weigh heavy on your being, on your personality that it cracks under the immense weight and burden! And, in the wake of all this newness of a person intruding in your very life you feel exposed, naked and under scrutiny by this being who stays all secret and vague...
The question that hounds you day in and day out is WHY? why did he do this? why another woman has taken this precedence over you that your life-partner is willing to take the risk of breaking up your home to set up house with her! How much guts does one need for this kind of a step?! what balls?! what pizazz! what does that woman have that you lack? Yes, that is the inevitable question that comes to your mind, what is it that I don't have or can't give to my husband? I have spent endless nights and days going over this myself and guess what? I haven't found a clue? Not a trace! All I know is that I was in love with my husband and so was he with me, why? I can't answer for the life of me? No matter how much I recall the past events, the several years we spent together loving and living with each other, I cannot pin point and state that this is why we loved or that is why we hated each other. It was simply I loved him, without thought and without question!
I remember the time when we shared everything, when we had a good relationship, when there wasn't a third person between us throwing her dark shadow over our life together. We loved each other with passion, with abandon, and I think, no I thought that we had a good thing going --- so where does this woman come from and why? At what point in a marriage, a marriage that is fairly happy, does one person decide on his own to quit? and how fair is that? how can one partner just call it quits and leave the home, the wife and the child to set up a new world a new house with a new person? And where does such a wife and child go for redress? How does such a broken family, a dropped off family, a ditched household go for justice? The husband can marry the other woman who cares if he is already married with a wife and child and years of familial life in the background! what does that amount to? perhaps nothing, maybe zilch.
I am not asking for pity or for empathy, I am merely trying to put things in perspective, I want to understand (maybe a delusional wish) of why a husband of twenty years walks off and out of your life with a younger woman? What is he trying to relay and prove? that he is macho and not getting old? that his first wife was pain in the ass with her high-handedness? I fail to understand!
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