Are my dreams trying to tell me something? I mean, do they carry some intrinsic and hidden meaning that I am failing to comprehend and thus the recurrence of the same dreams time and again.
It has been officially a year since my father has gone away. And without fail, barring a few nights, I have seen him vividly in my dreams constantly. He is usually an age where I may have never really known him - that is quite young - or perhaps when I was myself a child. He is strong, healthy, and fuller without that yellow palour of age and weakness. He is always in charge, there are a lot of people around us, as if it is a feast or a function or once or twice him as a visitor in the dream itself! As if his time in the dream is limited? How is one to understand that? I saw him night before last arranging a huge feast at his house, which is my house too at the time, me occupying my room as I did before I got married. He is younger and healthier and is seeing to the dinner being spread out for an occasion, which is unclear. He is somehow upset with my mother and asks me to tell her to shape up??? very very bizarre! and then he is alone overseeing the food being served....alongside this there is another very lavish spread of succulent dishes and the implicit idea is that this is a charity meal for poor people of his village in Sindh at Korwah! (this is something he did all the time.) How am I to interpret this dream? What does all this food signify? why is he so withdrawn and somber? why is he upset with my mother? how weird is all this and I feel physically sick carrying the burden of this most elusive of messages if at all!
Lately, my dreams have taken a lucid and vivid form they never had before my father passed away and before my home got tattered into a million pieces. What I fear most is what I see repeatedly in my dreams? is it not enough that during the waking hours I live and relive the nightmares that I must go through this anguish again at night?
I am lucky that I see my father so often, and experience him alive, moving, talking and just being there in flesh. But, I still want to know in exact terms the symbolism of the dreams, what exactly is he telling me? Is his coming to me all the time as a reassurance that he is still around looking out for me? Is it that he knows that I miss him so much that if I don't see him in my sleep I would eventually go mad with grief? Is it that he has forgotten to tell me something which he is coming back to tell me ? Oh GOD! let him come to me again and again - and let him talk to me clearly - tell me what I must do? and how must I do it?
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