Just cannot ever? Is this the truth? Am I eternally wound-up, charged, highly strung, stressed and wrung? I don't think so, but I get this told all the time - yes admonishings, instructions, orders to 'chill' and 'relax' and 'let-go' and the best of all 'stop being on guard' hmmmm, I have always found this interesting. This edict given by all on my mental and physical state. Do other people know something that I am completely oblivious to? Do I live in complete unawareness of my own state of mind and body? Am I so not in touch with whats inside of me? Hardly, for no matter how starry eyed we may be we are quite aware of who we are and what we are at any given moment in life - its all together an another thing to admit it though! because what we may find out about ourselves may not reveal itself to be the most flattering of things. So, am I tense?
I think I am normal to an extent, perhaps not entirely. But, then that wasn't the issue, the problem is of perception. I feel I'm in control and calm and collected, but others with whom I interact think otherwise. And, I am hardly the type to change my ways to suit other people - a task not only thoroughly unpleasant, but also virtually impossible.
I' m strung when I don't get enough time on my own. I have to sort my thoughts, my experiences, no matter how trivial and non-existent, I still need to make sense of whats happening around me immediately and in the larger arena. Relaxation comes to me in different forms, my relaxation is reading, writing, being alone and thinking.... and that if I am not crowded out by too much happening in too short a time, I could do at all times.
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