I am - furious, fuming, angry, livid, raging, frenzied, frantic - angry at myself!
When you are angry with yourself its a no win situation because who do you vent at? If the world is calm, and all is fine, the sun is out, and Osama is dead who do you blame for feeling down and out. But, the strange thing is I'm not down and out, I'm Fast and Furious if you get my drift....
I'm fast, hyper, over-active, neurotic, manic, yes! On a high.
And, I'm furious, infuriated, rabid, mad, wrathful.
Why? and the answers just roll out like a bale of sumptuous silk uncoiling in the presence of keen and lascivious buyers. I'm angry because the sun chooses to take its course as if nothing matters, and when anything can happen, then everything matters. The winds blow as they always have with the same indifference, the moon stares at the earth every night lonely and single. The trees and the birds do a dance every day, and teeming throngs of people chug along the tracks of life. And, in the midst of this din, amongst the cruel, alien, aloof and cynical multitude I am! thinking, pondering, and reviewing forever the past that I don't let go of, and the past that won't let go of me.
I'm livid at the injustices around us, the sheer callousness, the selfishness of others and the fluidity, guile and smoothness that allows them to get away with murder with the complicity of a society that is totally blase about all that happens in it: where nothing really matters.
We live in a wold which is beyond madness: admiring nations and peoples who killed millions of jews in pograms! How can we live with that history of ours, a collective history of all people, of man, where children, old people, women and men langusihed in concentration camps freezing away, being eaten alive! How sick is it of us to celebrate the advancement of Europe! the same Europe that looked the other way when hundreds of their fellow beings were made to wear yellow arm bands, were seen as polluters of society, were gased by the thousands, were carted as cattle! how can we just forget that and deny the ugly reality that is being HUMAN.
And the same western world is now decrying muslim fundamentalism as something beyond the pale of humanity? why? How so? The terrorism of today cannot by any stretch of imagination and display of historic truths be made right or legitimate, I'm not defending hate as it has no place in my religion, but seeing matters in perspective helps in understanding them, and that's what I'm hoping to do here.
I'm angry for the jews of the world. And I'm angry at our half-baked conspiracy theories that blame everything on their Zionist ambitions. I'm certainly astounded at the lack of common knowledge among our people, a people who do not read, who do not beyond their limited understanding try to get beyond the facade. Why are we as a nation such complacent lot? why is it that everyman is doubly busy in getting hold of that elusive keys to happiness and make for himself a small little heaven? why is it that we can live amongst such dire poverty and let it not prick our conscience? what have we learned so far? are we educated when we are so blind to what is going on around us so utterly unable to grasp human nature?
We want to believe, we all aspire or most of us aspire to be pious and live a certain life defined to us by Allah in the Quran, that is good intention, but what do we really take from that Quran? Do we take compassion?? hardly so!
I'm furious with myself for being a part of this mute herd that understands nothing and knows nothing except the patch of green in front of its bloody nose!
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