WHERE ARE ALL THE GOOD MEN GONE?

Seriously? Where are they? MEN one wants to look at (eye-candy kinda), the ones you want to turn around and look at? OK fine, that breed doesn't exist in Pakistan, I'd settle for that fact, but how about intelligent, manly, chivalrous, generous, polite men? Where have they all gone? Gone obviously implies that they did once roam these not so green pastures, and I don't really know why I feel that there once did exist such a specie which has hitherto ceased to exist.

Every where I venture, I see bloated, used-up, paunchy, balding, sweaty, uncouth, disheveled, unattractive men. The men around this city, country, I should add are just not pleasant to look at. I see men behind wheels, driving around, UFFFF, balding, not ageing gracefully, swollen puffy eyed toads instead of men. In offices, there sits behind desks an uncomfortable-with-myself sort of person, all inevitably not-too-happy-with-wife written all over on their face kind, sitting endlessly on their assess waiting for Ms. Luck to come knocking their door in form of a lovely sexy woman! (believe me all of them nurse this fantasy half the day in office across the length and breadth of this purest of land.)


In public places there are two kinds of men, hen-pecked idiots who are carrying the shopping bags of their hefty wives in tow and stealing glances at other women. And, straight up lecherous ones who have nothing better to do than stare at women. Both
kinds are obnoxious to the hilt for very obvious reasons. Then, you have the uber rich, trendy guys, the 'hip' and 'in' ones, they spend half the time in salons plucking their eyebrows, and the other half looking at themselves in the mirror. They are the heavy drinking, mad party kind of men, who want a bottle and some coke every night and hello! that's very very unacceptable.

We also have the ubiquitous 'available' man, who is such a bore (reason a primo for being available) that you would be far more entertained by a monkey at the beach than his laborious talk (of course about, me, moi and some more me! URGHHHH)

Then there are the losers! who think they are reincarnation of Cary Grant and Rock Hudson combined! they think, nay, 'believe the maxim' of all Paksitani women dreaming (with of course no real hope) of landing them in some kind of a marital bind! This breed is epitomized and symbolized in some of the TV anchors and hosts of some sub-zero intellectual capactity. These men adorning the obvious tetron suit with a satin tie and hair dyed to beyond-tar-black perfection and a flop neatly set on the shiny forehead are another slap to manhood in this pure land of ours.

And, how can I forget, the much married play-boys (yes! the ones who are younger and immaturere than your average 6 year old) who think that a wife and a battalion of kids tucked somewhere in the background are no hindrance to their aspirations with the fairer sex. They boast of 'girl-friends' and 'women' who are all lusting after them and their pearls of wisdom that seem to ooze out of every pore along with sweat in the sweltering muggy heat of this hot and humid city. My only and oft-repeated question to this wonderful accident of creation, "would it be alright with you if your wife did this? I mean have someone on the side?" Huh????

And of course the nouveau Feudal Lord (yes ala my feudal lord) who has family lands????? in the dark in-lands of Sindh and at times Baluchistan, excuse me for asking errrrrrrrrrr what family lands? I thought you were an urbanite going back to at least 4 generations! But then hello? I am so dumb! it takes so longer for me to understand that these lands and uber luxurious farm houses they boast of are a yearnings to build up dynasties and history that very conveniently lead back to some glorious time of Muslim hegemony. These claimants of landed power and feudalism are nothing but loan defaulters of very much today and have nefarious dealings with all that is black in Pakistan. But then, why must intelligent people question their ill-gotten gains and stupid vapid talks? because intelligence as a trait itself is absent in the genetic codes of all Pakistanis.

But, how can I forget the boorish oaf! the penultimate of boredom, that man (99.9%) who has absolutely nothing to say, no conversation, no style, no humor, no depth and no attraction of any kind. They believe that a glance at the dailies and TV feeds of news makes for interesting talk, and sit there making a silly fool of themselves and if they come across a slightly intelligent woman they find themselves at a complete loss and start ascribing derogatory epithets to her! "she is aggressive, manly, thinks too much of herself."

So, the circle complete, I am where I started from that is wondering where all the good men have gone off to? I want a man who is clean, and clean cut (comprehende?) and most importantly a man with 'style', a man who can carry a conversation that veers away from his bloody self, a man who makes you laugh and not by cracking lewd jokes, a man who knows stuff, stuff about the universe, about the earth, the world, history, literature and art. A man who has traveled and can talk a little more than the women he had on these travels, a man with manly qualities such as reliability, strength, caring for those who are weaker than him, a man of honor!

Now where is such a man to be found?