Yes, I want us to be the way we were. I don't know if what I imagine how we were is actually the way we were or not? but in dreams and wishes, and desires of shady kind reality is the last thing that matters. I have a license. A license to think and believe whatever I may want to about us, since you aren't there to contradict me and no other person is privy to our life together. AAAHHH, the poetic leverage, the freedom of fiction, the flights of fancy are mesmerizing!! I can and am certainly coloring my memories with romantic interludes, soft tender moments, time spent listening to you, all imbued with love, with affection, with desire!
Time passes and leaves only 'what was' behind and that 'what was' is also not a reality? it is a concept in the mind? how can so much become so little and literally invisible? all your feelings, emotions, talk, actions are reduced to an abstraction like 2+2=4 is a reality, but -4 is an abstraction, and just as -4 is needed in the real world so do we need the images, the impressions in our minds, and maybe what we thought of reality at a certain point in the past, all this we need to hold on to, to be who we are and be where we are! These memories (for lack of a better word) exist (if they exist at all) on the platonic realm of ideals.
Who wants reality if you can have an ideal world? even if the world exists sporadically and questionably in your mind! I say hell with reality and all what is and can be touched and held!!! give me my visions, my past embedded in my minds screen anytime, give me reams of "how things could have been", give me imagined versions (countless) of what I meant to you, and how you could never ever be without me! the happy delusions and lovely illusions of what I brougt to you and the greatest of deceptions - that I'm the one! and the only one!
I want to live, breathe and move in a dream! a dream that never was and never will be!!
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