I am

terribly lost
trying not to be so bloody critical of everything
hoping against hope I start to believe in people
very restless
hopeless
deceptive, deceiving myself the most
wanting to read as many books as I can
wishing I could understand math
wanting to go back to college and learning all that I don't know
groping in the dark
looking for direction
trying not to feel sorry for myself
ruthless
thinking how to be
hating people who lie and then have the gall to deny that also!
exhausted
irritated by everything
sick of ...
harassed
thinking
feeling lazy
hating useless vexing talk
lying
alive
sad
angry
silly
at times, plain stupid
wanting to move on
trying to be forgiving
resenting
loving mustafa
laughing, mmmmm only at times
arguing, ya, most of the time
creating distances
fearing everyone
scared of lizards
hungry
soooooooooo fat!
suffering from some mental malady yet to be discovered
mean at times
getting old
still not understanding what its all about
confused as the next idiot
rigid! now i think
all of the above and none of the above!